city's grace

 what do we care about?

It wasn't a sad evening, the drowning sun was about to vanish as the violet screen appears on the sky. I couldn't have wished for more beautiful scenery. The honking cars were going far away, taking with them all the people of city. People with dreams, people with burdens. Leaving me behind, I smiled at the window backing off to my desk. No matter how alluring the city might be, you could not see it if something is wrong with your mind's eye.

There is not one singular starting point. It just happens. Without any warning, without any hint. It grows slowly and secretly. shhhh.... Don't say about it. Be strong! 

It isn't too long before we see it in front of us. Monster. Fed by disappointments and expectations. It crawls towards you, ploddingly , one step at time. You run with all your breath , fearing to look behind. And when you can't inhale the cold air around you , your feet give up and you fall to your knees. You dare to turn with all the courage left in you, and you see no one was chasing you.

As a kid, I was always the naughty one. I liked poking people, shouting their names and run away, looking around the places I shouldn't. In school, I was "average student". I never topped anywhere, but i also wasn't in the backbenches. My father was government school teacher, where he taught physics. My mother was housewife. They had many dreams about my success. How I would be the richest fellow in the town.

Like any other Indian family, they want me give entrance exams. I did my best. For more then two years, I gave up everything to please them, but I failed. I wasted their hard earned money. They took loans and mortgages for my college admission. I had been a burden on them my whole life. Finally , after working hard for placements , i got a small job at a private firm in the city.

My father was getting old, he had to retire for his job. Almost whole of my small earning was flowing to the debts and medicines of my parents. I never had a social life. No one was there whom i could tell my problems and cry on their shoulders. I was all alone.

One afternoon, as I was returning from my lunchbreak from nearby diner, the peon told me that the manager asked about me and was calling me to his office. As I entered the office, I knew something was up, as I saw a look on his face which I had never seen before. He told me to sit and handed me a letter. I just got fired. He told his reasons, the company was laying off many employees to cut off corners, there isn't something wrong with you, it's a volatile business. I couldn't heard anything he said. I was lost.

It's been two months, bills are due, my savings are up, the bank had sent multiple statements. The tyrants gave warnings, asking if i love my legs more than money or not? I went to many interviews and got the same result everywhere. I was broken, i started skipping lunches for saving money. I used to cry whole night, soaked with sweat and tears.

I went for an interview. Everything was going well, but in the middle of talk, i started fumbling. Something was pursuing me. I couldn't see it's face.  I was feeling anxious , my breath was getting shorter. I had just destroyed everything. 

I went to the waiting lobby, and saw the beautiful city in her full grace. I backed off a little and jumped out of the window...